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Do It To Yourself
Apr. 15th, 2019 08:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bunsen_hPremiered at FilKONtario!
Friends, I'd like to talk to you about elitism.
Around the world, there are professional organizations such as the A.M.A., the B.M.A., and the C.M.A. -- respectively, the American, British, and Canadian Medical Associations. The Bundesärztekammer, or B.Ä.K.; that is, the German Medical Association. These, and other groups around the world, work to restrict terms such as "Medical Doctor" and "Doctor of Medicine" to those privileged few who not only have the means to attend medical school, but also are lucky enough to graduate.
But friends, you don't have to meekly accept this situation. You can push back. You have the power in your hands... and in your keyboards.
Do It To Yourself
(© Joel Polowin, 2019; TTO: "Do It Yourself" by Bill Sutton)
I went to see my doctor, and she told me with alarm
The surgery I wanted would just do me awful harm
So I turned to my computer, and I learned without regret
That you can be a doctor with the stuff that's on the net
A.M.A., B.M.A., C.M.A., and W.H.O.
B.Ä.K. and M.S.F. and others you may know
The medical monopoly, they want you to forget
That you can be a doctor with the stuff that's on the net
The first step is diagnosis, diagnosis is a breeze
'Cause Doctor Google helps identifying your disease
You just type in ev'ry symptom you might be concerned about
Then click "I'm Feeling Lucky", and you've got what it spits out
You might be wanting bloodwork, though getting it's a pain
There's lots of information lurking there inside your veins
So go log in to FaceBook, and click the links therefrom:
There's experts standing by to help at MeetRealVamps.com
And then there's medications, you can buy them all on-line
And in practically no time, they'll have you feeling fine
Read through all the testimonials and what they say to do
'Cause if they worked for someone else, they must be good for you
Another thing a doctor needs is radiology
For that you'll need a source of radioactivity
Kijiji and Freecycle let you get your hands on some:
A bunch of dying smoke detectors' americium
If you want to do some surgery, you need make no mistake
With Doctor YouTube there to show you ev'ry move to make
Start out with warts and hangnails, then get a cordless drill
'Cause autotrepanation's good for showing off your skill [bzzzzz!]
Last you'll need to have diplomas before you can be done
From sev-er-al pres-tig-ious on-line in-sti-tu-ti-ons
With a bunch of them up on your wall and more upon your shelf
You've ev'rything you need to be in practise for yourself
A few notes...
First: ALL OF THAT ADVICE IS BAD. DO NOT FOLLOW ANY OF THOSE SUGGESTIONS.
Second: As of this writing, there is no "MeetRealVamps.com". "MeetRealVampires", though, yes.
Third: Smoke detectors and their americium are not the most effective/efficient really stupidly dangerous way to get your hands on radioactive material. A good candidate for that questionable distinction might involve "FiestaWare". I will leave the details to the interested student, and strictly disavow any responsibility.
Fourth: Trepanation, or trepanning, refers to drilling a hole in someone's skull -- a necessary part of many forms of brain surgery, treatment of hydrocephalus, not to mention demon eviction. Autotrepanation (AKA autotrephanation) is the process of drilling one's own skull. Bzzzzz! And yes, there have been YouTube videos.
Friends, I'd like to talk to you about elitism.
Around the world, there are professional organizations such as the A.M.A., the B.M.A., and the C.M.A. -- respectively, the American, British, and Canadian Medical Associations. The Bundesärztekammer, or B.Ä.K.; that is, the German Medical Association. These, and other groups around the world, work to restrict terms such as "Medical Doctor" and "Doctor of Medicine" to those privileged few who not only have the means to attend medical school, but also are lucky enough to graduate.
But friends, you don't have to meekly accept this situation. You can push back. You have the power in your hands... and in your keyboards.
Do It To Yourself
(© Joel Polowin, 2019; TTO: "Do It Yourself" by Bill Sutton)
I went to see my doctor, and she told me with alarm
The surgery I wanted would just do me awful harm
So I turned to my computer, and I learned without regret
That you can be a doctor with the stuff that's on the net
A.M.A., B.M.A., C.M.A., and W.H.O.
B.Ä.K. and M.S.F. and others you may know
The medical monopoly, they want you to forget
That you can be a doctor with the stuff that's on the net
The first step is diagnosis, diagnosis is a breeze
'Cause Doctor Google helps identifying your disease
You just type in ev'ry symptom you might be concerned about
Then click "I'm Feeling Lucky", and you've got what it spits out
You might be wanting bloodwork, though getting it's a pain
There's lots of information lurking there inside your veins
So go log in to FaceBook, and click the links therefrom:
There's experts standing by to help at MeetRealVamps.com
And then there's medications, you can buy them all on-line
And in practically no time, they'll have you feeling fine
Read through all the testimonials and what they say to do
'Cause if they worked for someone else, they must be good for you
Another thing a doctor needs is radiology
For that you'll need a source of radioactivity
Kijiji and Freecycle let you get your hands on some:
A bunch of dying smoke detectors' americium
If you want to do some surgery, you need make no mistake
With Doctor YouTube there to show you ev'ry move to make
Start out with warts and hangnails, then get a cordless drill
'Cause autotrepanation's good for showing off your skill [bzzzzz!]
Last you'll need to have diplomas before you can be done
From sev-er-al pres-tig-ious on-line in-sti-tu-ti-ons
With a bunch of them up on your wall and more upon your shelf
You've ev'rything you need to be in practise for yourself
A few notes...
First: ALL OF THAT ADVICE IS BAD. DO NOT FOLLOW ANY OF THOSE SUGGESTIONS.
Second: As of this writing, there is no "MeetRealVamps.com". "MeetRealVampires", though, yes.
Third: Smoke detectors and their americium are not the most effective/efficient really stupidly dangerous way to get your hands on radioactive material. A good candidate for that questionable distinction might involve "FiestaWare". I will leave the details to the interested student, and strictly disavow any responsibility.
Fourth: Trepanation, or trepanning, refers to drilling a hole in someone's skull -- a necessary part of many forms of brain surgery, treatment of hydrocephalus, not to mention demon eviction. Autotrepanation (AKA autotrephanation) is the process of drilling one's own skull. Bzzzzz! And yes, there have been YouTube videos.
