Filk by Steven Brust: The Drug-Allergic Invalid

[thnidu]

From Steve Brust's blog. Here, cross-posted from my own. I've done a little editing for scansion, adding what's bolded and deleting what's struck out.

An Old LJ Post: The Drug-Allergic Invalid
by skzb
Apparently LiveJournal is going weird, and everyone's diving off it and saving their posts. I don't have a great deal from my old LJ days that I want to save, but this post, from 18-December-2006, needs to preserved in the annals of, uh, whatever annals one preserves such things in.

Back from the doctor

The doctor says my symptoms are absolutely classic for having a bad drug reaction. She even showed me off to another doctor as having perfect symptoms. I was very proud.

I am the very model of a drug allergic invalid
With bright red rashes from my feet that make their way up to my head
I have no wish for food or wine or sexual amenities
I only wish to stop the swelling up of my extremities
My hands are swollen up so much I cannot hold a cigarette
How many days this will go is more than I can figure yet.
When I shuffle down the hall like a weak septuagenarian,
You'd say I was within a couple days of set for buryin'

You'd say he was within a couple days of set for buryin'
You'd say he was within a couple days of set for buryin'
You'd say he was within a couple days of set for buryburyin'

When you see I can do nothing except watch reruns of "Drag-a-net"
While choking down the steroids and the Benedryl and Tagamet
When it takes me seven minutes to get from my desk down to my bed
You'd see I was the model of a drug allergic invalid

When it takes him seven minutes to get from his desk down to his bed
You'd see he was the model of a drug allergic invalid

I began taking Sulfa on November 27. My glands became swollen on Dec. 7. On the 8th I started developing a rash. That's when I stopped taking the sulfa. On the 12th, the fever hit, and lasted 2 days, peaking at 102. Around that time, my glands were no longer swollen, but I had some muscle ache. On the 15th, my hands and feet started swelling. Naturally, it was Friday, so I couldn't go in to see the doctor until today. The swelling has gotten worse since then. I was prescribed steroids, and told to continue taking the Benedryl and Tagamet.

I search the internet for lists of symptoms and the latest memes
That deal with how to make my body stop producing histamines.
When I see my body is now just a single toxic whole
It makes me wish I'd never even heard "Sulfamethoxazole."

When I cannot stand up without assistance or good leverage
When my lips are so puffed up that I cannot drink hot beverage
In short with the swelling and the rash have made my the skin so very red
I am the very model of a drug allergic invalid.

In short with the swelling and the rash have made his the skin so very red
He is the very model of a drug allergic invalid.

ETA, April 12, 1:50am EDT (= 5:50 am UTC):
I just wrote a brief note to Brust with links to my reposts —

Very, very good! Blogged:
    •    http://thnidu.dreamwidth.org/1607040.html
    •    http://filk.dreamwidth.org/11148.html
    •    http://thnidu.livejournal.com/1722922.html
I did (and documented) a little editing for metrical problems.
 

Your fan,

[$THNIDU]

He replied four minutes later:

Cool.

Laconic but very pleasing. :-D
 

Comments

[rafiwinters]

OMG that's funny! Being a huge Gilbert and Sullivan fan as well as a filker, I appreciate the tune and the accompanying cleverness of the words. Thanks, you've given me a nice morning laugh!

[kayshapero]

Applause!!